Since I have long-held beliefs about the nature of disease and healing, maybe what I've been doing the last few months was simply experimenting, collecting data. My main belief about illness in the physical is that it originates in the non-physical realms, so maybe I got good and sick just to see.
Now I say, "just to see" but during the FIVE TIMES I've been sick in the last five months, sometimes for weeks at a stretch, I did not for a second consider it an experiment. What I felt, believed and intuited was an emotional/mental/spiritual cause that I just couldn't reach on my own. I knew what it was, or at least what the superficial cause was (unrequited love and loneliness) but aside from getting other people to do what I wanted (love me and come live here) I was at a loss as to how to deal with it.
When I asked for help, I began to heal. I told a therapist friend that my latest congested sinus mess was unshed tears, because my childhood taught me very effectively not to cry. She suggested I curl up in bed and breathe into the place I felt the emotion. I tried (honest) but nothing happened. Then I watched a really sweet video on Facebook and all of a sudden I was crying to beat the band, and the pressure lessened.
The unrequited love remains unrequited, but another healer friend suggested I cut the cords that attached us one to the other. Now this is something I have known about for at least 30 years, but had never really done, and in fact relegated to shamanic work. What is shamnic work but non physical, energy work? I went inside, felt where the attachments were, and cut the cords. If you want to know more about how to do that and how to follow up with it, just ask. I had to.
The relief I felt was immediate. Even though it's only been 36 hours or so, that obsessive hook is gone. I remember how to do this!
Another friend who heals with massage and prayer talked to me for a long time today, and her way was to honor me and be present to what I have gone through in the last year, to validate my experience and never once suggest it was time for me to "just get over it." Feeling her love, I breathed deeper.
The next friend, a herbal healer studying to be a Reiki Master, told me to go out in the garden and pick mullein and make a tea. I remembered when I did everything naturally, with herbs and clay and vegetarian food, and I reconnected.
This is a short synopsis of today's healing journey. I feel about 200% better, more hopeful and alive, more empowered to take care of myself. With the help of my friends, my tribe of healers, I have been led back to connection with myself. I had just lost my way, gotten detoured. This is why I need a tribe, to remind me of who I really am when I lose my way.